HOW TO GET OUT OF LIFE’S MUCK
56Perhaps Love
Personal Choices
- Lillian Smith Quotes
Lillian Smith: "Education is a private matter between the person and the world of knowledge and experience, and has little to do with school or college".
Life comes with curve balls. Sometimes, we move a little faster, thinking we are getting ahead in the game. That is when we miss the curve of them entirely and *SMACK* - are hit right in the face, knocking us down. Dizzied and caught unaware, we "react" getting frustrated, jealous, and angry or feeling victimized and persecuted. “Who threw that one? Who is to blame?” In that moment, if we do not stop the process, our reactions will roll right into resentment and then, into revenge.
They say when we seek revenge; we might as well dig two graves.
The following chart can make change much easier. It shows what we have often heard = there are only two paths in life, the negative, or the positive. If we believe everything happens for a reason, it can help us see the inherent opportunity every “bad” circumstance or event offers us.
Every moment offers us two choices
The triangle of victim, persecutor and rescuer explained +
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I know, considering the curve balls and smacks in the head 'great opportunities', might initially seem a little crazy. If we want to though, we can realize they strengthen us the minute we get up – “that, which does not kill us, will make us stronger”. Depending on our attitude, those smacks can even knock the “stupid” right out of us. They can clear our plates of the distasteful beliefs we have been either eating or hanging onto for years – never with easy digestion or uncluttered peace.
Changing lifelong beliefs is not easy – especially if we refuse to practice or deny the necessity to do so. It is human nature to justify our actions or lack thereof. Unfortunately, the longer we hang onto them, procrastinating getting up or changing, the faster more balls will hit until we are so battered and bruised, the manifestation of dis-ease is inevitable.
Healing frequency - allow the miraculous
Finding solutions can help us feel grateful. Gratitude returns to us as quickly as we can put it out there. Joy seeps in, love begins to fill us up as long as there is room in our cup for more, and it will flow in. The more negative we let go of, the more room we have in our cup. The more gratitude, joy, and love that is in our cup, the more compassionate we feel, thus, creating fewer negative situations. The more grateful we are that there is less negative….
A list showing how everything is related could continue for pages. The truth is however, that might seem complicated. Complicated is the buddy of procrastination and justification at the bottom of the chart and just putting all this in writing has me soaring at the top of the chart. How about you?
“Are we there yet”?
Ultimate Song of Glory
For brevity’s sake, I won’t give examples to validate or “justify” each of these statements. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask in the comment section. Rather, let me simply explain what happens the moment we choose to find that “opportunity”.
Naturally, just getting up, knowing we are moving out of the muck and harm’s way is exciting. E-motions are what move us and in this case, the excitement creates enthusiasm. When we become enthused about anything, our creativity kicks in. Creativity involves our imagination. The more energy (emotion) we allow ourselves to feel, the more excited we get. The further we get from the lower negative side of the chart (doubt), the more creative, imaginative solutions we can see.
I want to thank you
And I thank you for the stones in my path today,
Nancy McGimsby’s lyrics are the closest to thoroughly understanding and rejoicing in this concept that I have ever found. Therefore, with joy, love, and gratitude, I present them to you here:
The Stones on My Path
"Its hard for me to stay,
Centered in spirit all day
I find myself drifting away,
On my river full of worries for that day...
Then suddenly some little thing,
Will remind me that my heart should ever sing
All the time, every moment that I live,
I thank you for the love that you give...
I want to thank you for the sun as she shines,
and I want to thank you for the flower on the vine,
And I thank you for the stones in my path today,
even the ones in the way...
Sometimes I see the rocks in the road,
And I wonder why I carry such a load
I wonder why we're limited by fears,
And why we have to bath ourselves in tears...
Then suddenly I hear your voice,
Telling me that the fear is my choice
And you remind me that the struggle and the strife,
Make up much of the learning part of life...
I want to thank you for the sun as she shines,
and I want to thank you for the flower on the vine,
And I thank you for the stones in my path today,
even the ones in the way
And I want a thank you for the chance to give,
And I want to thank you for the chance to really live
And I thank you for the stones in my path today,
even the ones in the way
And I thank you for the stones in my path today,
especially the ones in the way..."
- Nancy McGimsby
"The Front Porch of Heaven" [available @ Eckankar.org]
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Sounds easy but hard to do.
James, glad you stopped by. Some weren't as wise as you to become Chicago Cub fans and pay attention when they were little. LOL
Surely when you began practicing, you were hit once or twice? Through the strife we rise above and you seem to have risen to great personal heights. Perhaps you can add your own wise suggestions to help others realize that rising to greet life with a smile after a few knock-downs, may be as easy as buying a bat? Or what makes a person confident enough to know they're as capable of making it to the big leagues as anyone else?
Our attitudes and belief systems will either have us on the field playing delightedly, in the bleachers, or stuck outside the stadium altogether feeling sorry for ourselves that we didn't have the foresight to buy a ticket when they were available. Willing to share your ticket resource? As long as we're alive, there's a ticket to be found somewhere - I was hoping this chart might be one - and it's free!
Hi Alex! So glad to see you. As a polymath, Academic, translator, patent writer, IT professional, photographer, playing capoeira while looking into paranormal matters, becoming a mathematician, physicist, published poet and writer - when have you ever stayed down for more than a 2 minute break? Maybe you've created so many solutions, there hasn't been time to notice the sun or flowers?
Short and sweet comment here, this is great SEM and one we should all strive to live by, thanks.
I appreciate your visit and comment Hawkesdream. Not sure if we have to live by it but remembering it whenever struck sure has made my life a whole lot more joyous and abundant for decades!
I think either allowing ourselves to bounce up enthusiastically after any negative "shocker" or disciplining ourselves to do so is the only triggering thought we need to incorporate into our being. Once we've done that, it becomes easier and easier - then natural...
Once it's natural, we do indeed appreciate all experiences for their ability to trigger that enthusiastic creativity and teaching us something. Training ourselves to find that lesson is what will allow our subconscious minds to let go of debilitating beliefs that catch us off guard repeatedly and keep us stuck in pain. I.e. "life is fair"; "family members should love each other unconditionally"; "once you say "I do" you no longer have to nurture the relationship". These are examples of the erroneous beliefs we hang onto that can shatter our foundations and leave us reeling in disbelief and denial.
I found out the truth about revenge quite a while ago. It is never worth what it costs.
So true Ivorwen! That's why it's so important to consciously stop the process - preferrably before we even roll into resentment that can take us forever to relinquish. I thank you so much for your comment! You just helped me realize the answer to a question that's been nagging me for days.
The question was about the old adage "forgive and forget". The other day someone went on and on for close to an hour condemning another for every "wrong" action (judged and sentenced through their eyes of course) for 50+ years. She said she forgave because it was personally healthier for her to do so but that "it's human nature to NEVER forget". In the "process" of the 3-Rs, if we don't stop it before resentment sets in, we may say we forgive but the memories with attached resentment are what will actually eat us up. Thank you so much - couldn't figure that one out because to me it was clear she hadn't forgiven anything or anyone.
I would love to hear your story about seeing the cost of revenge - it's an EXTREMELY powerful life lesson!
Hello, I enjoyed reading. I agree completely with the chart.
The only question I have is, must we not go through the bad to get to the good? On my path, I have not found how to enjoy the scenery. If I blocked out the negative path, could I "truly" see the positive path? If we are stronger after mistakes, would we be weaker by preventing mistakes?
Hi Derek - glad you came by since this was written to answer some questions you've been asking. As you said yourself, you and most of us learn things the hard way. This means, yes we probably do have to experience the bad and feel the consequences before we are even able to see the good, yet alone change whatever within us caused the bad to begin with.
Enjoying the scenery isn't something you find - it's your choice to do so or not. Just as it's our choice to wallow at the bottom of the chart stuck in our same old patterns and debilitating, erroneous beliefs or choose to hike on up to the positive, no matter what that requires us to do. It sucks at the bottom - I know, I've been there. I think we all have. But no-one on the top can reach down to pull us up - nomatter how much we'd like to, nomatter what we share. Ultimately the ONLY person who can choose, is the individual - that's the glory of free will.
We can't block out the negative - to do so would be suicidal. Like the window washer who attended a PMA seminar and interpreted it to mean he should blindly pretend everything is beautiful - so he sang while falling 50 floors after his rope broke. The "bad" or painful are what help us learn the lessons we need to bring us back into alignment with what is true, or not (for us).
This also of course flows into the next question you posed. To think we can prevent all mistakes, either ours or anyone we encounter, is to sing blindly until the next power ball hits us harder trying to wake us up. The circumstances may look different, there may be different "players", but essentially it will be a lesson to learn exactly the same lesson. And we'll keep getting hit harder and harder until we finally "get it". That's why it's such a blessing - we make it happen by our thoughts, if we don't like what's happening, all we have to do is change our thoughts :)
You said you don't think James likes mud, so I ask: "do you?"
Sem,
Call it whatever but as I sit and hub awhile in my small window of time today I come across this, which totally changes my attitude about revenge. It is a coincidence that I was sitting here plotting in the back of my mind, "How to cause exteme distress" in the life of the guy that drug my daughter down the road and then ran over her because she refused to talk to him. I have lowered myself to the point of shooting him with a paintball gun (you would have to read the hub to fully understand) and was just not satisified that it wasn't enough. My advice from myself to myself is to print this hub and post it on my mirror to read every morning because i wake up, and go to bed full of so much anger towards this person I can barely function. Seeking revenge will certainly make things worse. Although it is a natural instinct to protect your children, they are also watching us to see how we react to situations. For the sake of my daughter and her child I have now decided to let Karma play it's role. He will pay, eventually. It may not be becuase of my revenge but because God said vengeance will be mine. Thanks for such wonderful insight.
dori
WOW dori - I will read your hub but am SO glad you decided not to perpetuate the cycle and pay a future karmic debt on behalf of this low life! You are correct too, our children learn from how we "react". To get a little deeper, hopefully not coming across as unsympathetic, no matter what we do in "react", we create the exact opposite of what we want.
The 3R cycle is as vicious as the triangular game of persecution, rescue, victim. We may not realize that if we, for example, "react" in anger, our actions and words are inevitably fueled by resentment. We'll say something to "hurt" them - whether justified or not - causing ourselves further grief. This guy is nuts, if you "buy into" his own anger, you'll fuel his fire. Those who stay at the bottom of the chart get a kick out of whoever they can drag into the muck - "misery loves company".
Believe me I know. I had a stalker for years who would break in and steal or destroy despite the restraining orders and the 6 jail sentences he served. By the time I finally realized I had to let go of my fear and anger, "responding" instead of "reacting" by moving until he could no longer find me, he'd cost me my farm and damages to the tune of $165,000 - thus my sterling credit record, business +++.
There is a response that will cost you or your daughter nothing. With such a traumatic experience, the lesson you find will not only bring peace, but will pay you both valuable dividends for the rest of your lives. Crazy I know to have to look at it like "isn't this great, the lesson will move mountains and prevent anything similar in the future, we'll be much better because of it" - but that's exactly the intensity and depth of your opportunity mom.
I'm on my way to yours. You know if I can help in any way shape or form, don't hesitate to ask - please.
Thanks so much, not only for sharing your wisdom and enlightening me but also not charging 120.00 an hour for it, LOL. Thanks again, you are a gem.
dori
The mind is very powerful and we have yet to fully harness it.
LOL (OK, I still can) Thank you dori - mentioned a couple suggestions on yours. Although said jokingly, I'd take as many 120 an hour's as you can spare and hire a real therapist for your daughter. "Drama" won't touch the misery she'll suffer if she doesn't "get it" before marrying a creep like that. And there's absolutely no reason to point a finger at him. She attracted him just as assuredly as she will another without deep-rooted change.
I'd hired the stalker I mentioned - met him at a spiritual assembly. He'd just moved to the state and needed a place to live while "saving for a home for his daughter because the mother was a druggy". I had a whole floor available and once in our house, it was a nightmare even before realizing what a con he was. My fundamental belief, following the truism that when someone says something about another, they define themselves, not who they're talking about, I merrily went through life thinking I'd never become cynical because they were only out to rip people off. Since I didn't have any inclination to do any such thing, I fiercely and "righteously" hung onto a blind gullibility - wanting to believe everyone was as fundamentally trustworthy as I was "deep down" and of course continually flabbergasted at why so many people kept ripping me off (yes we all have serious "blind spots").
Years later, I'm still receiving dividends from those lessons. However, the reality is I could have bought and paid the lifetime salaries of at least 3 therapists if I'd have sought help when young. Intimate involvement with that degree of dysfunction could fill a whole other book.
So true Kidgas! It helps to learn what our subconscious mind believes and is capable of too. It, after all, is what ultimately directs our e-motions.
Fantastic and insightful motivational!! thankyou ,wish I could print that chart off. I am a naturally optimistic and positive person but everyone at some stage of their life arrives or may find themselves in situations of a 'meltdown'.
thumbs up my friend!
Delighted you stopped by Eaglekiwi! Your quick wit speaks volumes about how wonderfully positive you are! You can't print the chart? (right click, "save pic as" onto your computer). I'd be more than happy to send it via email if you want - it is a handy reminder.
Appreciate the thumbs up! Now about that trip to FL? k@ri, dori, you and I may just be able to create a whole new chart about how to have fun!
E-motion...energy, choice to sacrifice negative to get positive....Everything I see and be-live! Love the music too. I really appreciate this hub
Thanks emo. I do hope you are able to choose rising to the top of the chart enough one day, to not feel relinquishing the negative is a sacrifice. "Victim" and drama are at the very bottom of the chart with being chained to addictions, and life without is truly joyous! Best of luck to you
James A Watkins Level 8 Commenter 2 years ago
Kid. If you can't hit the curveball, you'll never make it in the big leagues.